The past is useful for checking your mental database for comparing data where appropriate but it’s not useful if you’re still living in the past and cannot differentiate between what’s going on in front of/around you and the past.
Sometimes you just need some reassurance that you have your own back.
I went through a period of being anxious when I started dating Em and after a while I had to say, “Nat! ” I’ve got to be honest – sometimes I’ve busying my mind with Dynasty levels of drama.
It felt more comfortable to have something to be getting my knickers in a knot about but it’s one thing when you have evidence to feed drama (although you’ve got to act not stick around and complain / go into analysis paralysis) but when you stand to jeopardise your self-esteem or a good situation, it’s time to rein yourself in.
There may be other factors contributing such as work stress or even boredom.
By far, judging people and situations on merit so based on reality, along with checking in with you daily and having a respectful internal dialogue calms anxiety.
You’re not exactly going to feel less anxious if you’re calling you “stupid” or feeding your mind with all sorts of drama scenarios! Respect you even when at times you don’t make sense.
The cues and triggers that may have tripped you up before remain the same but you go, “Ah. If you’re worrying about whether it’s going to go ‘wrong’, it’s time to come back to the present and be more ‘mindful’ because you’re spending too much time worrying about what isn’t happening or trying to anticipate what’s next and forecasting doom. If you haven’t been on a date yet or have only been on a date or few and you have a high level of anxiety, going on dates without being emotionally honest enough to recognise where these feelings originate is only going to compound it not relieve it.
I remember this from that class I took about fifty times, class” and then you consciously choose to do differently instead of doing the equivalent of repeatedly throwing yourself against one of those shatterproof doors. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to stop dating but it does mean listening to your thoughts and feelings.
It’s natural to experience anxiety when stepping into new territory and having to learn about and learn to trust someone but it’s not the biggest gamble of a lifetime unless you it that by forgetting you and your life in the process of trying to ‘win’. Baggage Reclaim is a guide to learning to live and love with self-esteem by breaking the patterns that stand in your way.