In particular, these truths tend to come up when I ask one of the key questions that perplexes people in this confusing post-dating world, where traditional dates and explicit proclamations of interest are nearly extinct: How can a girl tell if you're into her?
And here's the answer that guys always give (in their own unique language, of course): To clarify, these guys aren't saying that if they're talking to a woman, then they want to date her, or introduce her to their parents, or marry her.
But Equal numbers of girls and guys submit questions for my online advice column.
The comments sections in every corner of my website are filled with men who passionately share their opinions and experiences about love.
They're saying the most basic of things: that if they are talking to you, then they are attracted to you. One guy told me, "If I just give you a sidelong glance, then sure, I probably don't want to sleep with you.
But if I am standing there, listening to what you're saying and keeping the conversation going, then yes, I want to sleep with you." Another group of guys explained their system of "Zeros" and "Ones." If you're a One in their mind, then they'll talk to you - because they want to sleep with you. Many guys have said to me (always with a caveat about how they know it sounds terribly misogynistic and offensive, but hey, what can you do?
as eager as their female counterparts to discuss the currently ambiguous non-dating scene.
As one very straightforward interviewee put it, "Look, Jess, I support your project and I think what you're doing is great. I'm talking to you; therefore, I think you're attractive. End of story."So how can this knowledge be helpful to us women? So the next time you're having a conversation with a guy, stop thinking about whether he finds you attractive. So having spoken to many guys in the past year, I will sometimes notice a belief or attitude that I hear from them over and over again.A 'truth' about the male psyche that they seem desperate to share with women - and about which women often have very little clue.The guys who I interviewed are the first to admit that, just because they're talking to you - aka are attracted to you - that doesn't mean that they're necessarily going to call you and follow up.
My original plan to focus on interviewing women for the book gave way to a desire to create a more equal opportunity dialogue, after I saw how willing guys were to delve into these bigger questions of what men and women want and where communication and expectation between the sexes has broken down.
Men, at least young men of our generation, love to dish on this stuff.