This process is counterproductive; doing acts of kindness should not result in resentment.
All we need to be liked and appreciated is to have a sincere attitude of caring for others.
By the way, though most communities light Shabbat candles 18 minutes before sunset, local custom may vary.
You are telling your brain the messages that you want your brain to make your reality. Furthermore, there are times when we are not able to fulfill a particular request that someone may make of us.
If we force ourselves because we are afraid that our refusal may result in losing the other person's friendship, we may resent what we do.
The reason why we light candles a few minutes early is in order to avoid any possibility of starting Shabbat late. The earliest time to start Shabbat is an hour-and-a-quarter before sunset. ) Keep in mind that this is not exactly an "hour-and-a-quarter" on your clock.
) Shabbat starts with candle-lighting, which is traditionally 18 minutes before sunset. It is, however, permitted to "start Shabbat early." This is simply done by lighting the candles, or through a verbal acceptance of Shabbat.
A benevolent attitude will translate itself into benevolent deeds.
This "intangible" will be felt by other people, even when we are unable to do anything for them.