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Let’s say you’re a fat guy, which -- let’s be honest -- is not all that hypothetical.

You can also be jobless, balding, and emotionally fragile, but as long as you can prepare a quality breakfast and at least two other good meals (even if they’re two more breakfasts), you don't gotta worry about those 50 extra pounds.

There are no “fat” women in Atlanta, only “thick” ones. On the brunch side, you’ll eat ridiculously big, relatively inexpensive, boozy, and delicious meals with your boo every weekend, so obviously that’s ideal.

On the other, you might be expected to team up and ask for double-forgiveness after what you did together Saturday night.

Just tell the pastor you were only trying to burn off the brunch calories.

If you’re a single straight guy and you don’t live here, you’re an idiot. This means that unlike men, women in Atlanta workout, have great jobs, multiple degrees, high-performing investment portfolios, rental properties, on-call hairdressers, and personal chefs.

Thousands of divorced cougars and silver foxes descend on Buckhead every night, locked in eternal competition for dominance of the ATL’s romantic, midlife-crisis dating scene.

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