Oh, sweet Jo Jo, you didn't think it'd be easy, did you?
Our main gal is down to her final eight potential husbands in season 12 of The Bachelorette, but after trimming more obvious fat over the past few weeks, it would appear that the tears are here to stay as she heads down the home stretch.
With Pennsylvania and Uruguay in the rear-view mirror, it's off to Buenos Aires to continue this journey.
Meaty John Krasinksi Derek, two-puns-and-a-stache snowflake Chase and Alex "I know a lot about being a real man" the Marine remain from "unknowns," while Jordan Rodgers and creepy ex-swimmer Robby are repping the "red flags" and repping well. You can trust me," or, "I love you," on the first date, breaststroke your way to safety.
The biggest surprise for me was that Chase, who would seem to be gaining steam with his thoughtful little setups (snowstorm and bouncy ball costumes), is in the high school clique with Alex (and apparently Jordan and Robby) that has chosen to freak out like schoolgirls over the use of the word "reassure" and to bully Derek.
If that wasn't enough proof that all Chads are doomed, then you have the ex-Chad sounding off in a tabloid magazine that just happened to find its way into Vinny's makeshift barbershop.
In fact, if you name your kid Chad, just get him baby-printed right out of the womb and save police the trouble.
Meanwhile, Luke's solo date went from shallow to deep, even if his intonation didn't, but it's super bizarre that he even seems to kiss in slow motion.
And James Taylor is a beast playing football with his eye gash.
It's as if he said, "If there were no cameras, I would totally commit a felony." Perhaps the show has been around so long that producers pondered giving on-camera homicide a chance.
And then we shall reward his psychopathy with a trip to paradise!
And any time a lady gets the shaft, we can run the prints through the Chadabase. Nick, infatuated Ali, naked-in-the-tub Christian, boxing gym owner and aspiring terrible poet James F., Canadian model Damn Daniel, last-black-dude firefighter Grant, barber Vinny and, last but certainly least, bloody-nosed I-can't-afford-a-T-shirt ED Evan.
If you look back at my predictions prior to episode two, you'll see that everyone in my "discard" pile is gone, while the "potential" category -- unicorn-riding war veteran Luke, All-4-Wells and second James James Taylor -- is alive and well with 100% accuracy.