I wasn’t going to go broadcast what I was doing, but I also wasn’t thinking to hide.
I feel like my sexual development was bang on — I just had a different affection. And later I’d go to pre-internet online dial-up forums and that’s where I came across bestiality porn. As much as I later experimented with people, I was always sure I wanted horses.
And I didn’t realize it was abnormal at that time, but the comments attached to those pictures were all going on about how disgusting it was. So that would be when I was first aware that I was different. It was never a case of “I’m just giving this a try to see if I would prefer humans.”My first kiss was from a man named Mark.
I grew up in the city, so I didn’t have much access. He was aware of my sexual preference and interested himself in dogs after a fashion.
One of my friends had access to a nice female pony, and he let me have sex with her.
Bestiality, the act of having sex with an animal, tends to conjure images of a mucky, socially inadequate, desperate farmer sneaking into the barn after dark, or depraved groups of thrill-seekers forcing sex with drugged, abused, or otherwise mistreated animals (like the case of Douglas Spink and the animal-sex-tourism farm in Washington State).
But the sexual identity that can be attached to bestiality, zoophilia, remains little understood.
As a result of legal restrictions — sex with an animal is illegal in most U. states and European countries — the lived experience of being a zoo is rarely heard outside of underground online forums or secret meet-up groups. There was a carnival in a parking lot across the street from my house and it had a parade of them walking around in circles.I begged my parents to let me go so I could ride the ponies, but when I got on a horse’s back I was absolutely horrified. I think I was bothered by how awful the situation was for them.I always was on the lookout for horses when I was traveling. It’s not as if I didn’t have friends or engage in activities, but I was a little nerdy and not at all athletic. I don’t think I had any more or less trouble with the “in” crowd than any other kid, and I know a few people looked up to me for my abilities in math, science, and the fact that I was always willing to help people. That was about two months after I lost my virginity, so I was about 22.I saw farms that I’d have loved to go explore, but they were never near my home. Before the age of about 10 there was no more than some “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” Then it was pretty boring until high school. In all honesty, I’ve never liked kissing men; rough beards do not turn me on. And losing your virginity is important to becoming a “real” zoophile because you’re joining a very select group of people, and if you haven’t actually “done it,” people wonder if that’s your real sexuality. I’d wanted to have the sexual experience as well as the street credit among my peers — the zoophiles I’d met online — because they were my closest friends, really.
All they did was go 'round and 'round; I could sense something about that in their attitude. It was a very interesting book — everything you ever wanted to know about horses.At the time I didn’t really think of myself as different or unusual; it was just what I was interested in.