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When someone posts an attractive profile photo that reveals nothing about their inner life, he told us, that sort of image may generate a positive response but it’s not likely to lead to matches.

We interviewed the founders of Ok Cupid, one of the most successful online dating sites, for a chapter on “How to Find Love Online” in our book “The Art of Doing.” Although the founders claim no lothario-like superpowers—based on their teeming mass of statistical data and observational evidence they can advise us on how to find someone online who will love us for who we really are.Many people believe that when seeking a partner online they should try to appeal to the largest possible pool of people.Sam Yagan, a co-founder of OKCupid described how he has seen this mindset play out time and again.“We see so many images [on the site] that are designed to minimize some supposedly unattractive trait, like the close-cropped picture of a person who’s overweight,” said Yagan.

This may sound like a sensible romantic strategy—why eliminate possible partners by revealing the scar on one side of your face or the fact that you’re obsessed with Star Wars kitsch?An excessive concern for what other people think inevitably leads to what Carl Jung famously described as a persona, in Jung’s words "a kind of mask, designed on the one hand to make a definite impression upon others, and on the other to conceal the true nature of the individual." Yagan describes the fallacy of this please-them-all approach.

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18 Comments

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    So if you’re only seeking women in the 21-29 age range, let me tell you, you’re missing out. And by that I mean: her own career, her own friends, her own apartment, her own money.

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